I had a psychopathology professor at Columbia who walked into class one day and began his lecture by loudly declaring: “All politicians can be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder.” Some seemed shocked by what they felt was an unfair generalization, while others smirked and nodded their heads in agreement. No matter how we felt, one thing was certain — he got our attention. It’s been twenty years since I sat in that professor’s class, yet his powerful words have never left my mind, especially anytime I look at today’s contentious political system.
I grew up in a family of OG Republicans, married an Independent, and entered a profession run by Democrats. It’s impossible for me to understand living in an echo chamber, and I’m grateful for that. I have the benefit of various perspectives, and I’ve learned how to live harmoniously with people who agree and disagree with me. Practicing tolerance and acceptance helps us grow as people. I’ve learned that opening your mind and your ears to others brings peace to you and the world… and that sometimes even the people you thought were “crazy” have a few ideas that make sense!
My exposure to a broad spectrum of views and my background in psychology have also enabled me to analyze politicians and their true intentions. While I’m sure many people initially enter politics with a desire to serve, there’s no question that the unscrupulous nature of the field rubs off on everyone, creating a culture of selfishness over service. The truth is that at the end of the day, politicians are all privileged people in the ego profession, and the real-life battles you and your family face are not on their day-to-day radar.
Yet so many Americans have fallen into the trap of blindly following their lead. Although it’s understandable to vote for candidates who tout your own beliefs, Americans seem to have lost sight of the bigger picture. In fighting for what we believe, we’ve begun to fight each other. When people are cutting off family and friends based on their support of Kamala Harris and Donald Trump, it’s time we ask ourselves if taking sides does anything to help us as individuals — or us as a nation.
Aside from the national turmoil political division causes, it wreaks havoc on our own mental health. Have you ever noticed yourself feeling physical signs of stress after watching the news or engaging in contentious debates on social media? It’s not your imagination, because these high-tension experiences cause visceral reactions. Feelings of anger, frustration, disgust, and hopelessness are easily triggered by exposure to political dissent. Remember to practice self-care by limiting your news consumption and steering clear of toxic online debates.
I’d also like to challenge you to a healthy practice this election season. Extend an olive branch to someone who thinks differently than you. Find a common ground with a politically opposite person. Try it on social media first before you attempt it at the Thanksgiving table, but do it — it’s so freeing! I’m all over the map politically, so there are certainly people whose narrow-minded political views exhaust me. But instead of choosing to shut them out, I choose to like other things about them. Maybe someone doesn’t vote like you but you discover they’re a dog-loving only child Sagittarius from Detroit who knits JUST LIKE YOU — and are you seriously gonna let their voting record get in the way of that kind of kismet?! We should not be defined by our politics. So instead of choosing to shut people out, choose to recognize the other things about them that you do have in common. Embrace what is the same about us instead of focusing on what is different.
In one of the most divisive times in our nation’s history, it’s important that we step back and consider how we can contribute to improving our country’s morale. That’s not going to happen by living in an echo chamber or putting blind faith in politicians. And it’s never going to happen by severing ties with people because of how they vote. My mother used to always tell me, “If someone is good to you, see them for their good and be good back to them.” Judge others by how they treat you, not how they vote.
Maybe our division isn’t all because of the politicians my old professor diagnosed as narcissists. Maybe the responsibility falls on us to reject all the propaganda and reach across the aisle. At our lowest moments, it’s not the politicians who are there for us — it’s our friends and neighbors and coworkers. So why are we burning bridges when we should be building more of them? Practicing tolerance and acceptance causes a ripple effect of peace, one interaction at a time. I don’t have a lot of faith in politicians to fix things for us, but I do have faith in us. And if leaders see their constituents demanding unity, perhaps they’d finally stop playing games and exhibit the unity we’ve modeled for them.
Now that’s an America we can all agree on.
What Lara Wrote 